


Harry Potter and the Communication Journals (Opening Up Communication)

by JosephineStone



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bottom Draco, M/M, Top Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-28
Updated: 2010-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-11 08:03:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/476369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JosephineStone/pseuds/JosephineStone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dumbledore has a plan to help Harry get over his prejudges against Slytherins. Hermione is worried, Ron gets jealous and Harry falls in love with an in the closet Draco.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Harry Hated Slytherins

Harry Potter hated Slytherins. 

It wasn’t an uncommon feeling with most of the wizarding world. Pure-blooded high society looked down on all those around them and never attempted to hide it. No one likes to be looked down on nor judged, especially for things that they can't control: like simply being born. The majority of the pure-bloods were sorted into Slytherin; therefore, the majority of Slytherins were high society pure-bloods. 

Not all of them.

It was an important characteristic that most seemed to forget. The sorting hat placed individuals based on the _characteristics_ of that person, not on blood status. Though Slytherin would never allow a muggle born to enter his house, it didn't actually mean every single pupil sorted there shared his belief. It meant, quite simply, that they were ambitious, resourceful and cunning. None of those things actually made them evil, but the Slytherins were shunned by all the other houses, just as much as the pure-bloods shunned the muggleborns.

Being ambitious and resourceful are good things. Also, when trying to stay alive whilst a power hungry wizard is out to kill you, being cunning is a necessity. Yet, Harry had attributed all of these characteristics as _bad_ things, because all the _bad_ people had them. That was what Dumbledore worried about most of the time. 

Harry had an internal struggle with himself every time one of the Slytherin characteristics came out in him. Dumbledore was happy that Harry was placed in Gryffindor, even though he felt Harry belong in Slytherin. Harry needed the loyalty and bravery of his friends to help he through the fight with Voldemort. He wouldn't have found the support he needed in any of the other houses. Though it was obvious to Dumbledore that he felt slightly out of place there, even with his closest friends. It was no surprise that he became closer emotionally to Hermione than even his best mate Ron. She was slightly out of place herself and seemed much more of a Ravenclaw.

Dumbledore was quite cunning even though he was a Gryffindor. After _accidently_ overhearing an interesting conversation between a couple of muggleborn students, he came up with a brilliant idea. Apparently in the muggle world, they had devices where they could talk to each other all of the time. It was all done with code names, so it was possible that they had no idea who they were talking to. They'd make friendships with people that they would never meet. 

Anonymous friendships. 

It’s a novel idea. A chance for people to just be themselves. They wouldn’t have to worry about the prejudice of others, nor societies rules of who it is proper to talk to or not.

It wasn’t difficult for Dumbledore to figure out how to make it work. He bought twenty blank journals and charmed them so that anything written in one could be seen in all the others. He didn’t bother making it any more complicated for it didn’t need to be. He scattered them around the school in random locations. He hid most of them in the sixth year’s dorm rooms. 

In the end, he put three in Harry’s dorm room to make the chance of him finding one greater. One in the girl’s dorm room intended for Hermione. Three of them went in the sixth year Slytherin’s dorm room and three on random shelves in the library just for fun. He left two outside and put four in random bathrooms, dropped three in tower’s window ceils and the last one he kept for himself.

As he anticipated the children were weary of them at first. He knew which ones were found, but no one sat down and started to write in them immediately. He was patient and waited for them to test all their charms on them. He didn't conceal his spell, so they would know that the book they had shared a companion. They just wouldn’t know how many companions.

~~~

By the time that Harry found one two others already had theirs and attempted to figure out what they were. The only way they could tell the difference in whom was _talking_ was the handwriting, which with three people worked fine. Though it started to become difficult as more people found journals and joined in the conversations.

‘We could use a charm that would put our names before everything we write,’ someone offered.

‘I don’t know if that's a good idea’, someone else wrote. ‘I like noone knowing who I am. What if someone used this against us? I think it’s safer if we don't know.’ 

Harry agreed. Hermione glared at him every time he opened the book until she found one herself. After everything he had been through, he should have learnt to be weary of handwriting in books. She insisted she only joined in to keep an eye out for him, just in case. Ron felt left out after she had found hers in the library. He was sullen and moody for days when he flung his bag across the room and knocked everything off his nightstand. 

Coincidentally, he found one when cleaning up the mess. Harry wasn’t sure whether not he was happy about that. It was fun without his friends there, knowing every word he said, but it was less stressful when they joined and didn’t fight with him about it anymore.

‘ _How about we use codenames?’_ Hermione suggested. Harry knew her handwriting. ‘ _Just make something up. I'll be BookLover80.’_

Harry smiled at that. It was the same one she used at home. She had given it to him _just in case_ he was ever able to use Dudley’s computer. Of course, that never happened.

‘Like that’s not giving away who you are.’ That was Ron and Harry decided that he should defend her, like always.

‘ _You only know who it is because you already know. There are a lot of people here at Hogwarts that love to read.’_

**BookLover80:** You just gave away our location! **  
MoonlightPrincess:** I think we’re all from Hogwarts.

Quickly there were three other types of handwriting added to the page all confirming they were from Hogwarts.

**MoonlightPrincess:** All right think up names, so we can continue our conversation. It was getting bloody difficult remembering who said what. ****  
BookLover23: Agreed, this is easier and it’s entertaining **.**  
LonelyBoy6: Nice creativity there. ****  
BookLover23: I’ve never had to make up a name for myself before, and it does fit me. ****  
MoonlightPrincess: I actually know him, and it does. ****  
BookLover80: See. My name does not give away who I am. **  
AdventureSeeker:** I suppose. **  
JustMe:** It’s fine. Quit fighting! This is great. It even changed everything we’ve already written. **  
TheWhippingBoy:** You’d think it was magic or something. **  
JustMe:** I know it’s magic, it surprises me how easy it is sometimes. 

They didn’t agree on everything, but they worked out their differences in the end. The few times that politics came into the conversation there were arguments, but they quickly decided to just not talk about them anymore. 

The thing they all liked the most about the journals was that it was an escape from the stress of everyday life. If they brought those problems into their conversations, it would ruin the escape. So, no one ever mentioned Voldemort or the war or anything that had anything to do with his or her beliefs.

Anytime someone new came along they were informed of the _rules_ they had come up with previously. Then they made a name and told where they found the book. LonelyBoy6, JustMe, AdventureSeeker, TheWhippingBoy, BlackKnight, MoonlightPrincess, and BabyDoll found theirs in their dorm rooms. BookLover23, BookLover80 and Thestrals found theirs in the library. Firebolt and LivingtotheFullest found theirs outside. FistInYourFace, BlueDemon, GreenGodess and LostLove found theirs in random bathrooms. LostLittleGirl, LonelyBoy2 and Goldenboy found theirs by windows.

Hermione was distraught as she tried to figure out why anyone would do this. She was sure who ever they were was watching everything in their own book, but just choose not to talk to them. Why else would someone scatter nineteen books around the school? There could have been more, but no one new had written in weeks and she found it odd that so many sixth year Gryffindors had one. She was also sure it was some plot that had something to do with Harry. 

He tried to reassure her that the world did not revolve around him, though even he wasn’t entirely convinced on that subject.

‘It’s not that big of a deal Hermione’, Harry said tired of the conversation. ‘We don’t talk about anything they could use against me.’

‘Right mate’, Ron jumped to Harry’s defense ‘Besides no one knows it’s him and why would You-Know-Who care about how a bunch of kids think their charms teacher is a goof?’ 

‘I don’t think he does, but we learnt years ago that things are not always what they seem.’ She sighed. ‘I’d just be more comfortable if we could somehow keep anyone else from seeing our conversations.’ 

It was the first time she actually proposed a solution to problem.

‘You mean outside of the nineteen of us?’ Harry was intrigued by the idea. ‘Or like we could make it where some things that I wrote, only you and Ron could see?’ He was _really_ excited about _that_ idea. 

‘That would be great Hermione’, Ron said. ‘Then we could have conversations that are private and we would’t even have to be in the same room.’ 

She rolled her eyes, but yes essentially that had been her idea. So they worked on it and figured it out. They used a charm and then only the codenames they wanted would be able to read what they wrote and vise versa.

They told everyone else about the charm and Hermione’s paranoia about the journals finally diminished. Mostly everyone stayed out and talked to everyone else, but slowly groups started to form. It never turned into groups fighting against each other, but there were a few that were closer. Harry, Ron and Hermione would sometimes talk to each other in private, if only to find out where the others where. Or after Hermione had to go to her dorm room at night. Hermione and Ron started to have private conversations and though Harry was never asked to say out, he did.

It was a trend with everyone else as well. Sometimes there were groups that were just continuing a conversation, but didn't want to interrupt the group that was already talking. Yet, it the private conversations it was much more likely to be one on one. Harry was rather certain that these people were dating or would soon be dating. He rather liked that idea himself, but with the options of only nineteen people, he didn’t get his hopes up on that happening. He hoped that was what Ron and Hermione were up to. They had been skating around it for years.

Harry loved his friends; he really did. Sometimes they just drove him insane and sometimes he needed to vent about them, but he had never had anyone to vent to. He talked to Hermione about Ron and vis vera, but if they were _together_ he didn’t really feel comfortable doing that. He wanted them to be together and didn’t want to put them in the position of defending the other all of the time. He figured getting another friend, someone whom he could be completely and totally honest with, was the best solution. He started private conversations with a few of the shy people that hadn’t really formed a group with anyone yet.

It didn’t work out as well as he had hoped. Since they were shy and he was also quite shy himself, they never got into very interesting conversations. They didn’t know what to talk about.

**JustMe:** Hi. **  
GoldenBoy:** Hey. **  
JustMe:** I noticed you don’t talk all that much. **  
GoldenBoy** : Well, I’m rather shy. I never know what to say. **  
JustMe** : Oh. Me either. 

The conversation just died there.

**JustMe** : Hi  
**LittleLostGirl** : Hi ****  
JustMe: So anything interesting happen today? **  
LittleLostGirl** : Not really. **  
LittleLostGirl** : Why did you invite me to talk privately? **  
JustMe** : You don’t talk much, I thought you might be shy. **  
LittleLostGirl** : Oh. 

She didn’t accept any more of his invites.

**  
JustMe** : Hey. **  
Firebolt** : Hi. **  
JustMe** : So how was your day?

Harry rolled his eyes at himself, he was horrible at this. How did he even make the friends he did have?

**Firebolt** : Fine. Yours?

Success. This person asked a question back.

**JustMe** : It was good. So, do you like Quidditch? **  
Firebolt** : Yes. In fact, I play. You? **  
JustMe** : Yes, I play as well. Are you going to the next game. It’s Slytherin vs. Gry **  
Firebolt** : I know.

Or maybe not so much of a success?

**Firebolt** : I’m not really looking to date anyone right now.

That thought had never accrued to him and he suddenly felt like a creep. What had GoldenBoy thought about him when he invited him to a private conversation? He knew that was the reason that a few people talked in private, but that couldn’t be the only reason. He wasn’t asking Firebolt out on a date. He was playing in the next match, obviously. He was just trying to make conversation.

**JustMe** : I wasn’t trying to date you. **  
Firebolt** : I’ll talk to you later.

After that he decided that he was not going to invite anyone else into a private conversation. He was sure everyone was talking about him and how creepy he was when he wasn’t watching. It turned out that a he didn’t have to. A few days later someone invited him into a private conversation.

**TheWhippingBoy** : You haven’t asked anyone to private message you today. ****  
JustMe: Yea? ****  
TheWhippingBoy: You were inviting someone new everyday. I was waiting for my turn to see what you wanted, but then you stopped. ****  
JustMe: Well, I found out that people thought I was trying to date them. ****  
TheWhippingBoy: What were you attempting to accomplish? ****  
JustMe: I was just looking for a friend. ****  
TheWhippingBoy: A private friend? ****  
JustMe: Not that kind of friend. Just a normal friend. ****  
TheWhippingBoy: Aren't we all “friends” on here though? ****  
JustMe: There are still things that I can’t say out there. ****  
TheWhippingBoy: What does it matter? We don’t know you. **  
JustMe** : Some of them do. I just wanted someone I could talk to about the things I can’t talk to my friends about. Like how my friends annoy me sometimes. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : That’s rather self-centered of you. Who’d want to listen to you complain about your life all the time? **  
JustMe** : I’m sure everyone needs to complain about things sometimes. I didn’t intend for it to be all about me. I figured we could share our complaints to each other. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : That sounds promising. What did you want to complain about? 

Success.

It was an actual success. When Harry complained to him he always agreed with Harry’s side of things. Then again, he only knew Harry’s side of things. TheWhippingBoy had a lot of complaints himself and though Harry didn't agree with him all of the time, they didn’t really fight too much about it. He would try to point out what the other person was thinking at the time. 

TheWhippingBoy seemed to not understand other people’s points of view. They talked a lot. It became less about complaining about the people around them and more like how Ron, Hermione and he talked. Except with the obvious lack of Voldemort as a topic. In fact, his conversations seemed more real with TheWhippingBoy.

The consistency that he talked to TheWhippingBoy began to irritate Ron and Hermione. Which, he fumed about to TheWhippingBoy and they both thought it was highly hypocritical of both of them. Ron and Hermione did the same thing all the time themselves and he knew both of them. Neither of them ever talked to TheWhippingBoy, it’s not like he was excluding them. He just had another friend. Ron felt as though Harry was replacing him, but Hermione felt as though he was neglecting his “real life” also known as “studies” for a “superficial one”.


	2. The Whipping Boy

Harry’s book kept vibrating on the library table and it was getting on Hermione’s nerves. She glared at him as he walked back over to their table and sat down with the book he went to find.

‘Why don’t you close that while were here?’

‘Sorry’, he said. Though he was not sorry at all. He did not know it was going to take him that long to find the book. It was only on vibrate because he attempted to multitask. He thought it was actually a rather ingenious idea of his to add that charm. ‘I was in the middle of a conversation.’

‘Well, end it!’ 

He nodded and pick up his communication book, which caused it to still immediately. He quickly scribbled something then closed it. 

‘What have you two been talking about anyway?’ 

Harry shrugged, he couldn’t tell them. It would just start a huge fight and, therefore, defeat the purpose of his making a friend other than them.

‘I wish we could read it’, Ron said. 

Harry would not repeat a word of what they said and Ron had learnt early on that no one could read anyone else book. Which in the beginning Ron felt was a blessing, since Snape almost caught him talking to Blue Demon during class one day. Later it felt like a curse, since there was a gap in his relationship with Harry, that he blamed on TheWhippingBoy.

‘It’s not that important.’

‘You talk to this bloke all the time’, Ron continued, ‘How can it not be important?’

‘I talk to both of you all the time and most of what we talk about isn't really important’, Harry pointed out. ‘I don’t talk to him about the Dark Lord or anything. I can’t.’ He sighed and flipped the book he went to get open in front of him. He tried to concentrate on what he needed to read, but wasn’t really interest in it.

‘It’s not that. You promised you wouldn’t let your studies slip’, Hermione said without even looking up from her own books which she had multiple of opened in front of her.

‘And I'm not’, Harry insisted as he pointed to the book in front of him. They sat in silence none of them really getting any work done, until Harry shut his book and gather his things. ‘I’m going to rest. I have a headache.’ 

They nodded as he left, but did not bother to argue with him about it anymore.

‘He’s going to go talk to his new friend.’ Ron sat back against his chair and crossed his arms. Hermione gave him a sympathetic smile.

‘It’s not like that Ron. He’s not replacing us.’ Hermione tried to reason with him. As much as she didn’t like it, she knew Ron fighting with him about it would only make it worse. ‘I knew this would happen.’

‘What?’ He glared at her, as he tried to keep his temper down and failing. ‘That he find someone more interesting than us?’

‘I already told you it's not like that!’ She tried to keep her voice down even though he drove her insane, so it came out as a harsh whisper. ‘I knew he would love the idea of being anonymous. He has always been so worried about what people think of him, or that they are trying to use him.’ 

Ron opened his mouth to protest that they weren’t, but she stopped him. 

‘Even with us, I know he holds back a lot, because he is afraid of losing us. There are so many things he doesn’t tell us, because we would worry or maybe he thinks we won’t understand.’

‘And he believes that this person wouldn’t leave him?’ Or understands better? 

‘No. I think its more that he can just be himself and not have to worry about the consequences, because out here in the “real world” no one knows that is him.’ 

Ron gritted his teeth, though all of that he could understand himself. They all used the books and it was a release. He could vent about Hermione and Harry to people without it ever getting back to them. And no one knowing he was talking about them to begin with. He understood how it felt, but no one spent as much time just talking to each other as they did.

~~~

Harry signed into his book as soon as he got the curtains closed around his bed. There were a few people on chatting about the up coming exams, but right away he did the charm and it changed to just him and TheWhippingBoy.

At first, he thought that it might have been Neville, but after about a week he found out it was none of the Gryffindors. He was up late one night talking to him and everyone in his dorm room was asleep. It could have been anybody and he liked that.

**JustMe** : Sorry, I’m back. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : I thought you had work to do? **  
JustMe** : I’m doing it. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Really? **  
JustMe** : Yes!

See! Their conversations really weren’t that interesting. It was just like talking to Hermione and there was nothing that Ron really needed to worry about.

**TheWhippingBoy** : You “don’t know” is that all, or was there more to that thought?

Or maybe not. He was reminded by that last question what they spent most of their time talking about, which was boys and how they were attracted to them. It was definitely something he could not talk to Ron about, and he didn’t want to put Hermione in the situation where she was keeping secrets for him.

**JustMe** : I’ve just never thought about it. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : But you’ve thought about everyone else?

That was not technically true. They were just naming off every guy in their year and gave them a rating. They talked about their best and worst attributes, and even though they had the opposite taste in boys, it was still fun. Just being able to talk about it. It was a release he really needed and that he hadn’t even considered confiding in anyone. They had even talked about Harry; which was weird for him, but he still felt the need to hide whom he was so he had to play along. He knew that he had rated the other boy as well, because they had gone through pretty much everyone.

**JustMe** : No, not until we started talking about it. It's just that… You remember when we were talking about how personality and intelligence counts for a lot? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Yes? **  
JustMe** : With Malfoy it doesn’t really matter how attractive he really is, because his personality kills it.

He really could not explain completely why he refused to think of Malfoy that way, without giving away who he was. They had even rated Crabbe and Goyle, which was disturbing for both of them to think about.

**JustMe** : You still there? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Yea. **  
JustMe** : So. Are you going to answer? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : It doesn’t matter. Was that everyone? **  
JustMe** : I think so. Come on you can tell me. I’m not going to make fun of you, if you have a crush on him or something. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : I don’t. What about seventh years? **  
JustMe** : I don’t really know any personally. You’re rather defensive about Malfoy. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : I thought we already established whom I liked? What about Cormac McLaggen? He’s rather attractive. **  
JustMe** : Harry Potter does not count! And McLaggen ugg… once again, with the personality. Malfoy is tolerable compared to him. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : How does Harry Potter not count? **  
JustMe** : Everybody says they fancy him. No one’s really attracted to him.

So his insecurities came out a lot during their conversations. It did make him feel slightly better hearing all the supposed good things about him. Though he just brushed it off as some star struck crush. It was concerning to him that he saw this boy everyday and had no idea though. He caught himself looking at the boys in his class as he tried to figure out which ones might be bent, and then which ones might actually like him. Things he never used to do before.

**TheWhippingBoy** : It’s different. **  
JustMe** : Oh really? How are you different from everyone else and don’t say because you’re a boy.

Harry got excited waiting for his answer. Maybe he was actually different from everyone else, in someway other than Harry actually liked the boy from the conversations they had through the book.

**TheWhippingBoy** : Never mind you’ll think I’m ignorant. **  
JustMe** : Tell me. You know I won’t leave you alone until you do.

Harry was never pushy with his friends before, but he felt like a completely different person when he talked to him. TheWhippingBoy would push him to admit things he never told anyone else and Harry did the same thing back. He felt more comfortable with him than anyone else. They understood each other.

**TheWhippingBoy** : It is the feeling I get when I’m around him. Like we he touches me, even though it is just for a second.

Wait, Harry has touched him? He shook his head, no he knew it was not anyone in his house. Though he knew that he never touched anyone outside of his housemates. He only hugged Ron on rare occasions.

**JustMe** : He touches you? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Not like that! It’s hard to explain.

Harry knew he never touched a boy like that, but he was fairly certain that he never touched them at all.

**JustMe** : Okay I’ll drop it, though I find it funny that you like both Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter.

Harry laughed at the thought. Then he wondered how many people that was actually true for. Whether they liked him for legitimate reasons or not, he knew that he was sot after. Even by girls he considered way out of his league and those were just the ones that were forceful. Most people were rather shy. He would have thought before, that anyone who liked him would hate Malfoy by default, since it was no secret they were rivals. 

This boy found them both attractive though, so that theory was wrong.

**TheWhippingBoy** : (Laughing) That’s my ultimate fantasy. **  
JustMe** : WHAT? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Them together… **  
JustMe** : I gathered that was what you meant. I was just shocked. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : You’ve never thought about it? Oh wait, of course not. You hate Draco. **  
JustMe** : No, I don’t hate him.

Harry stopped and decided to actually think about it. He had no idea what Malfoy even looked like without a sneer or smirk on his face. Neither of those looks really suited him. He tried to picture it: Malfoy laughing with his friends. He was attractive. Then he tried picturing him the way the other boy most likely did, naked and underneath him panting. 

That worked.

**JustMe** : Okay, I can see how that might be appealing. I just never thought about it before. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : What’s your ultimate fantasy? **  
JustMe** : I don’t know? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : You don’t know? How is that possible? Who do you thinking about and what are they doing when you wank? **  
JustMe** : What? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : I told you. **  
JustMe** : Honestly? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : No, I want you to lie to me. Yes, honestly! **  
JustMe** : I think about you. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : You have no idea what I look like. **  
JustMe** : I just picture you faceless and about my size. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : What do I do to you? **  
JustMe** : No you told me who, not what! **  
TheWhippingBoy** : How detailed to you want me to be?

Harry paused unsure of how he wanted to answer that. That was not his idea. He was trying to get out of the conversation. He could feel his cheeks turning red from embarrassment, even though no one could see him. Just thinking about what he wanted the boy to do to him embarrassed him. To tell the boy Harry thought about constantly what he wanted him to do him was unthinkable.

**TheWhippingBoy** : I picture Harry as a top and Draco as a bottom. I start it off with Harry giving Draco head to get him hard, until he is whimpering and begging for more.

Harry starred at the page. It was indescribably weird to see his name in the middle of sentences like that. He pictured the scene in his head and at first was disgusted by it, until Malfoy started to whimper and beg for more. For some reason, the thought of Malfoy begging turned him on. It made him wonder why he never thought of it before.

**TheWhippingBoy** : Then I have Harry lift Draco’s legs over his shoulders and slowly enter him. I don’t bother with preparation, because in my fantasy they have sex everyday and he doesn’t need it. **  
JustMe** : Mine aren’t nearly that descriptive. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Draco loves it and is very vocal encouraging Harry to continue…

‘Hey Harry!’ Ron said as he threw open Harry’s bed curtains which caused Harry to jump and slam the book closed even though he really wanted to see how that ended or continued. 

He kept the book covering his slowly demising erection as he stuttered. ‘Hey what are you doing?’ Harry knew his face was red as he faked a smiled and tried to pretend to be nonchalant about it.

‘Getting you to come to dinner’, Ron said as he eyed Harry curiously. ‘Who were you talking to?’

‘No one!’ He jumped up from the bed, and put his shoes on quickly. ‘Let’s get to dinner I’m starving.’ He was still nervous and shaky. 

‘You we’re talking to him again where you?’ 

Harry didn’t want to lie, especially since Ron seemed concerned, but if he told the truth then he would be even more suspicious. ‘Just random people, don’t worry about it.’ Then they headed down the stairs to the common room.

‘What were you talking about?’

‘Nothing….’

‘Then why can’t you talk to me about it?’ Harry opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came to him. How was he supposed to answer that? ‘Can we talk about it later?’ 

Ron rolled his eyes as Hermione approached them.

‘Yeah, sure.’

They both knew that Harry would avoid it later also.

~~~

Harry desperately wanted to find out who this person was. He had already started to eliminate the people around him. So the next test was touching. He apparently had touched him before, though Harry racked his brain he could not think of anyone. So that day during dinner and after he touched a lot of people. He kept track in his head and tried to do it in different ways. Elbowing some accidently or running into someone. Giving people random high fives, which was weird for him. He had never been much of a contact person.

**JustMe** : So did he touch you today?

Harry hoped that he caught the teasing of the sentence.

**TheWhippingBoy** : No, he didn’t. You noticed that too? I’ve never seen him all over people like that before.

Harry felt his face heat up and wondered how many people thought he had lost his mind. Though after he got over his embarrassment, he realised that he had narrowed down his options much more than he had anticipated. Him saying no meant that he was either one of two Ravenclaws or a Slytherin.

**JustMe** : Yea, that was weird. Maybe something really good happened. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : We’ll have to keep our eye out for it in the paper. **  
JustMe** : He could be seeing someone. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : That would be my luck. **  
JustMe** : Why’s that? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Things never turn out well for me. Hence my name. It seems that no matter what I do it’s the wrong thing. **  
JustMe** : I’m sorry. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : You disappeared rather quickly last night. I didn’t mean to scare you off. **  
JustMe** : You didn’t. One of my dorm mates opened my bed curtains. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : (Laughing) I’d love to have seen your face.  
 **JustMe** : It was humiliating. (Laughing) Though I don’t think he really caught on. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : What sorts of things to you envision me doing to you?

Harry was going to have to come up with something, but he was not very good at putting into words what he was thinking. Even simple things left him tongue-tied, how was he supposed to describe that? His friend was very good with words and would have talked him into an orgasm the night before had Ron not interrupted them.

**JustMe** : You’ll laugh. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : After everything I’ve told you? What could possibly be more embarrassing? **  
JustMe** : It’s not anything different from what you were saying. I just can’t describe it as well as you can. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Try.

It was silly of Harry to be embarrassed, but once again he was. He took a deep breath, before he tried to answer his question.

**JustMe** : You touch me. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : That’s to be expected. Where? **  
JustMe** : Humm… everywhere?  **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Pretend I’m touching you. **  
JustMe** : What?  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : I’m straddling you and running my hands through your hair.

Harry’s pulse raced, once again, from reading a sentence.

**JustMe** : See you’re just better at this. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : You’re just shy. Now, what do you want me to do to you?

That was an easy question. If he had him there with him and definitely if he was on his lap, he knew exactly what he would want him to do.

**JustMe** : I want you to kiss me. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Good. I'm kissing you and slip my tongue in between your teeth, and then I massage my tongue against yours. Until you start to grind up against me and moan. Then I start to pull up your shirt and run my hands down your chest and abs, and have them linger on your hips. Now what?

Harry quickly placed a silencing charm around his bed, and undid his pants to start stroking himself. TheWhippingBoy was very good at this and it made Harry wonder if he did it a lot. He was right Harry was shy about this sort of thing, but he wanted to give as much as he was getting so he tried. He just had to be honest, what would he do next?

**JustMe** : I would pull you closer to me and then suck on your neck. Then I’d try to take your pants off.

Okay, it was nowhere near as elegantly described as what he was getting, but at least he said something. Harry couldn’t believe how exciting it was talking to him like that. He’d thought about it plenty, but it was different with him participating. Almost like he was really there.

**TheWhippingBoy** : Yes! I'd moan your name while you sucked on my neck and I'd help take my clothes of and then your own. Then get back on top of you and rub my erection against yours. Are you wanking?

**JustMe** : Oh, yes! I'm close. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Fuck. Me too!

That was all it took just Harry knowing that he was wanking with him and thinking about him. Thinking about Harry touching him and kissing and moaning his name, even if he did not really know what that name was.

**JustMe** : I just came.

He scribbled it fast without even thinking, then panicked when he did not get a response right a way. What if he was far from finished, Harry came way to soon. He groaned and covered his face. He was reassuring himself that it didn’t matter; he didn’t know it was Harry, when he finally answered.

**TheWhippingBoy** : Me too.

Relieved Harry sat back and cleaned himself off. Then reread everything they had written over and over again.

**JustMe** : That was amazing. I’ve never done anything like before. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Neither have I. **  
JustMe** : Liar. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : I’m not lying. I’ve never even thought I’d ever tell anyone about my sexuality. **  
JustMe** : Then how did you even come up with the idea. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : We’re just talking about our fantasies. I’m just telling you what I’m thinking. It’s what we always do.


	3. Oh, That Neville

It was only a matter of time before they slowly figured out who the others were. Ron, Harry and Hermione knew each other of course. Then the first person they found out about was Neville. They had been talking about how Lavender went off on their charms teacher about an assignment in class that day.

**LonelyBoy6** : I can't believe she said that. **  
BookLover80** : Wait. Neville? I just heard you say that.

‘Neville, that's you?’ Ron asked shocked as he stared at the boy across the room. ‘You have a dirty mind.’ 

Neville turned bright red as Harry laughed. Neville was shy in person, but they had some pretty graphic discussions in the sixth year group. Since they did not know anyone else nor their ages, they tried to keep it clean. Neville was the one that forgot that at one point when Firebolt had joined the book.

**LonelyBoy6** : Firebolt? Do you own one? (Confused) **  
Firebolt** : No, why? **  
LonelyBoy6** : Are you a fan of the broom?  
 **Firebolt** : No…

Well, it was rather widely known that Harry was the only one that currently attended Hogwarts and owned a Firebolt. So if it was him. Well that was a dead give away, and if not then…

**LonelyBoy6** : You know IWannaRideHarryPotter'sDick isn’t taken yet. **  
Firebolt** : I Happen think it describes Me well… Arsehole! **  
BookLover23** : Maybe she spends a lot of time with Potter between her legs? **  
AdventureSeeker** : Or wishes she does! (laughing) **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Describes you well? So you’re FAST? **  
Firebolt** : Or maybe, I just liked the name! **  
TheWhippingBoy** : That’s not what you said. You said that it describes you well. In what way? **  
BookLover80** : This is what we were trying to avoid. Quit picking on her or him you don’t actually know it’s a girl. It probably has nothing to do with Harry. **  
LonelyBoy6** : It probably has everything to do with Harry and her desire to have him f*** her. She (or he) is the one who decided to announce it with their name.  
 **BlackKnight** : It doesn’t have to have anything to do with Potter. Maybe you are the ones that are obsessed with him. Since you’re just looking for an association that is really not there.  
 **Firebolt** : Thank You, BlackKnight!

Needless to say LonelyBoy6 tended to shock everyone. They decided to go ahead let everyone know their ages so he only had to watch himself when LivingtotheFullest was on. He was the only third year, there were three fifth years, and one seventh and the rest were sixth. Being anonymous helped a lot of people open up in ways they never did before. The conversation in the room stopped as Ron, Harry and Hermione starred at Neville in a very new light.

**LonelyBoy6** : Is it really that surprising? **  
BookLover80** : I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s just I know you now. **  
LonelyBoy6** : Well, I know you’re a Gryffindor now. **  
BookLover80** : And so does everyone else. **  
AdventureSeeker** : Hey we could figure out all our dorm mates right now! We’re all sitting here. **  
Babydoll** : Doesn’t that defeat the purpose? **  
MoonlightPrincess** : Eventually we were bound to figure it out. Though I’ve rather enjoyed not knowing you. **  
AdventureSeeker** : Does anybody know who anyone else is? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Babydoll is right this is defeating the purpose of this. I don’t want to know who any of you are. **  
BookLover80** : If you decided to figure it out fine, but don’t go broadcasting it. **  
JustMe** : Right. It’s not your life. Out yourself if you want, but it’s not your place to tell other’s identities. **  
FistInYourFace** : You’re just afraid that you and your boyfriend would be outed.  
 **JustMe** : What?

**TheWhippingBoy**  invites  **JustMe**  to private conversation.

**FistInYourFace** : See? There you go again. **  
TheWhippingBoy**  and  **JustMe**  have entered private conversation. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Hey. **  
JustMe** : They know. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : They bloody well don’t know anything. They’re just teasing you. **  
JustMe** : What happens if they find out who we are? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : What do you mean? Nothing would change. **  
JustMe** : Nothing?

Harry was hopeful that meant that TheWhippingBoy was willing to be in a public relationship with him.

**TheWhippingBoy** : Why would anything change? We still have to be who we are. **  
JustMe** : I want to know who you are. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Why? **  
JustMe** : I want to touch you. I want to kiss you and I want to taste you. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : No.

Harry wasn’t going to give up.

**JustMe** : Why? Meet me somewhere. Anywhere. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : I can’t. **  
JustMe** : Would you if I was Harry Potter? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : If Harry Potter walked up to me tomorrow, and asked me to let him suck me off I’d say no. What I do with you is the most I’ve done with anybody and probably the most I ever will. **  
JustMe** : Why? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : My family expects things of me, obligations that I cannot get out of. I’ll marry and I’ll have children and I’ll never be in love with her, but I can learn to love her.

Harry had nothing to say. He wanted to fight, but what could he really say to that? Would he given the choice between his family and this boy would he really choose him over them?

**TheWhippingBoy** : If we’re ever found out I’ll deny everything. Even to you.

He was unsure why that hurt so much. He wanted to scream that he loved him and he wanted spend the rest of his life with him. He wanted to tell him that they could run away together and that everything would be okay, because no one could get to them. But he was not sure any of that was true or that he would have really meant it. It was just a rush of feelings that he had right then.

**TheWhippingBoy** : What are you doing? **  
JustMe** : CRYING!

It was true. He was not making any noise, but silently shaking as tears rolled down his cheeks.

**TheWhippingBoy** : me too… **  
JustMe** : Oh right! **  
TheWhippingBoy** : I’m not lying. If I was there I would hold you and kiss you. **  
JustMe** : But you’ll never be here!

He both screamed and wrote that at the same time. Which was when he realised that he was sitting in the middle of the common room amongst most of his dorm crying. He slammed shut his book and quickly walked up to his bed and threw himself in it. Not even a minute later, Ron was beside his bed.

‘So, are you okay?’ Ron asked quietly. ‘Did she break up with you, over that?’ It did seem like the most obvious answer, except why would a girl break up with him just because people thought they were dating. Also, why would a girl call herself TheWhippingBoy? ‘Or if you’d rather not talk about it.’ Ron turned to leave and that hurt Harry more. He had been pushing Ron away a lot and he didn’t deserve that.

‘We didn’t break up’, Harry mumbled.

Ron turned back towards Harry and came closer to his bed. ‘What was that mate?’ 

‘I said that we didn’t break up’, he repeated. ‘TheWhippingBoy is a boy, it’s not just a joke. It actually fits him.’

‘So, he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore because of a couple of comments?’ 

Harry shook his head stopping Ron before he started to bash him.

‘No, worse.’ He got a confused look from Ron, so he took a deep breath and continued. ‘He wants everything to stay the same.’

‘How’s that bad?’

‘Ron…’ He drug his hands through his hair and rubbed his eyes under his glasses. ‘What they said was true. Well, we aren’t really dating. I don’t think, but what we talk about….’ Ron just nodded for Harry to continue while he finally understood what his friend was going through, he still needed to let it sink in before he allowed himself to speak.

‘We get off with each other….’ Well that explained a lot. Ron was shocked, but after he thought about it everything made sense. He had assumed it was a girl and was just irritated that Harry refused to tell him about it. Since it was a guy, he could understand why he was reserved about it, but it did not make it hurt any less.

‘I want to met him and he doesn’t want to met me, ever.’ Harry laughed at the absurd statement he was about to make. ‘He even has a crush on me. I mean the real me, Harry Potter. He said that if Harry Potter offered him head he would turn it down.’ 

Ron cringed at that thought. 

‘He will never admit that he’s bent. Ever.’

‘I’m sorry, Harry.’

‘It’s okay, I’m fine.’ He sat up and let his feet hang over the side of the bed. ‘I just don’t want to give him up, but it kills me that even if he was standing right in front of me. I still could never touch him.’

‘Actually, he probably does stand right in front of you all the time, you just don't know it.’

~~~

‘Shut up, Malfoy’, Harry said as he tried to walk past.

‘Just ignore him’, Hermione said. 

He rolled his eyes at her. That was what he was doing. That just grated on his nerves more and he had already been on edge, because of everything with his anonymous friend. Of course, Malfoy did not shut up as Harry had requested, nor would he get out of Harry's way. Frustrated, he grabbed Malfoy's collar and tie and shoved him up against the wall. He starred him down for about fifteen seconds, before he let go and walked down the hall.

‘Harry!’ She scolded. ‘That’s not going to help anything.’

‘Really?’ He countered. ‘It got him out of my way.’ All and all things went on as normal. Christmas approached quickly and there was talk of a ball the Friday night before they left for Holidays. Harry tried to slyly ask “his friend” to accompany him as just that “friends”. It did not work. After he sulked for about a week, he gave in and let things go back to the way they were.

It still felt like dating to him and they still talked all of the time. Harry was even getting more comfortable describing what he wanted. Though he was holding back what he really wanted to say. When they talked about “what they’d do if they were next to each other’ he was able to say more things. He mostly talked about wanting to touch him. What he wanted to say was that he wanted to meet him; so that he could actually do all of those things they constantly talked about.

**MoonlightPrincess** : It’s official; so LonelyBoy6, do you want to go to the ball with me? **  
BookLover23** : Isn’t the bloke supposed to asked the girl? **  
MoonlightPrincess** : No. That's so old fashioned. **  
BookLover23** : Don’t do it mate, that means she ugly and no one else would ask her. **  
MoonlightPrincess** : Actually, my ex already asked me, but I told him “I’d have to think about it’ since I wanted to ask LonelyBoy6 first.

The only person Harry would want to ask had already repeatedly said, ‘No.’ They would be having a dance that Friday, it was rather sudden. The previous Yule ball was talked about for months before it happen. Dumbledore had it leak through the school for a couple of weeks, then sprung it on them at breakfast that morning.

**BlackKnight** : So, it could be for any year? **  
AdventureSeeker** : How young are you looking? **  
BlackKnight** : I don’t know what year she’s in. I just know it’s not ours. I’m not after a first year or anything, you know her. **  
AdventureSeeker** : Oh, you’re going to ask Firebolt. Hey we should all ask someone on here! **  
BabyDoll** : That’s a great idea. Do it, that way it’s like a surprise! **  
JustMe** : How are we supposed to find each other? I mean only a few of us knows who anyone is. **  
LonelyBoy6** : Well you all know who I am, and yes, MoonlightPrincess, I’d love to go with you. **  
BookLover80** : Well is anyone else going to ask someone? Or are all you boys going to leave it up to us girls? **  
JustMe** : That really didn’t answer my question. **  
BookLover80** : Honestly, have you never heard of nametags? Or just agree on a place to meet.  
 **TheWhippingBoy:**  Haven’t we already discussed that we don’t want to know who each other are?  
 **BabyDoll** : Yea, but we are all so close now.  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : I’m sure you’d change your mind once you find out the house is different than yours.  
 **BabyDoll** : I get along with people from all the houses. I wouldn’t care.  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : All of them really? Even the Slytherins?  
 **BabyDoll** : I won’t care if any of you are Slytherins, we get along now why would that change just because we met?  
 **FistInYourFace** : You’d go to the dance with a Slytherin, even though you aren’t one?  
 **BabyDoll** : I would, but I happen to already have a date for this dance. I’d still dance with one though.  
 **FistInYourFace** : Alright then save a dance for me. I’m a Slytherin. Though I also already have a date, so we’d have to ditch them for it.  
 **BabyDoll** : I’m positive he can handle that.  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : And the rest of the school?  
 **FistInYourFace** : You’re just afraid of everyone finding out about you and your boyfriend. So we’ll either find out who the fags are or at least have it narrowed down after this dance.

Yea, so the teasing really had not stopped and them completely ignoring the teasing had not worked. Though it really was only the two boys that ever did it to begin with.

**TheWhippingBoy** : You’ll be eating those words once I see your face.

Harry was shocked that he had said that. He was always the one that said just ignore it, that they wanted them to have a reaction and it just made it worse.

**AdventureSeeker** : Yea give it a rest, we’re all sick of hearing your homophobic views. **  
MoonlightPrincess** : Definitely! **  
BookLover80** : I couldn’t agree more. **  
LonelyBoy6** : Awh. Looks who’s out numbered. **  
AdventureSeeker** : You two should just go together it would be hilarious! **  
TheWhippingBoy** : What? **  
LonelyBoy6** : Yeah you should, then no one would care that some of the Slytherins were mixing with the other houses, because they would be too shocked that there were two blokes dancing together. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : We’re not together!

He had to give Ron credit for the effort, even though he knew it would never work. Harry was not completely sure he wanted a lot of people to know about his preferences anyway. Considering how TheWhippingBoy was handling it, the wizarding world must have been just as against it as the muggle world.

**JustMe** : I’m not sure I’m up to being harassed all night with untrue accusations. **  
LonelyBoy6** : Wait. You two aren’t together? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : No! **  
LonelyBoy6** : Are you sure? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Positive. **  
JustMe** : We’re not together…

Harry looked up at Neville who like always had a pensive look on his face. It still shocked him that Neville was LonelyBoy6 and he was nervous about what he would say next.

**LonelyBoy6** : Because last week you forgot to use the charm to make your conversation private… I have to say that was some interesting reading…. **  
JustMe** : What? Are you serious? **  
LonelyBoy6** : No, but you should have seen the look on your face.  
 **BlackKnight** : JustMe is a Gryffindor?  
 **JustMe** : Bloody hell. Thanks Neville.  
 **LonelyBoy6** : I could have been in the Library.  
 **MoonlightPrincess** : I’m in the library and you’re not.  
 **BlackKnight** : So am I… Hey where’d Malfoy storming off to?  
 **MoonlightPrincess** : How should I know? He was rather noisy about it though.  
 **GoldenBoy** : I know he almost knocked me out of my chair on the way out.  
 **Threstals** : I just figured out who all three of you were.  
 **GoldenBoy** : So all four of us are in the library, it’s so weird being so close to each other and not knowing who you are.

Harry tried to have a private conversation with TheWhippingBoy, but he left somewhere in the middle of that conversation. He wished he knew whether it was before or after the Gryffindor comment. Really it was rather creepy not knowing who all was watching the conversation until they spoke. It was also hard to talk to people. He would talk to Threstrals or LonelyBoy2 more often, but since they hardly spoke he never knew they were there to say “hi”.

~~~

Hermione came to sit next to Harry with a huge grin on her face. He waited for her to tell him what was going on, before he finally gave in and asked.

‘Ron and I are going to the dance together’, she said.

‘I thought everyone was asking someone through the book?’ He tried to not sound so glum about it.

‘Well officially, BookLover80 asked AdventureSeeker to the ball’, She pointed out. ‘Though I know he knew it was me.’ He bit is lip as he looked down at his book and watched others ask each other out. Some more nervously than the others, it was cute and Harry had to close it before it became too much. ‘Just keep checking I’m sure he’ll come back to watch what everyone else is saying eventually.’

‘I wish it’d just say who’s there’, Harry said.

‘I’ve been working on it’, Hermione reassured him. ‘I’m sure there is someone reading in our conversations. You really should be careful what you say on there even in your private conversations.’ He nodded and checked his book again.

It was past midnight before TheWhippingBoy opened his book again. Harry was the only one up and he was about every five minutes casting the charm to see if he was there. Then it worked.

**JustMe** : Why’d you leave?

He ignored him.

**JustMe** : He was joking. He didn’t read anything.

Still nothing.

**JustMe** : Please talk to me! **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Do you agree with what BabyDoll said? **  
JustMe** : What? That it’d be fun to go with each other? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : No the part about “that it didn’t matter what house we’re from.”

He thought about. He really should not have had to think about it, and berated himself for it afterwards.

**TheWhippingBoy** : Never mind, it was a stupid question. **  
JustMe** : No, it wouldn’t matter. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Forget it. I already know how you feel about it. **  
JustMe** : It’s not like that. I just haven’t had much reason to trust other houses. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Especially, Slytherins?  
 **JustMe** : Are you a Slytherin?  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : Would you quit talking to me if I was?  
 **JustMe** : No, I wouldn’t!  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : I’d believe it when I see it.  
 **JustMe** : Then go with me.  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : I already told you I can’t.  
 **JustMe** : But you can meet me, you just choose not to.  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : I’ll think about it. About meeting you; not the dance. Nobody can know who I am.  
 **JustMe** : All right!

Harry could not stop himself from smiling. He didn’t care if anyone knew about them. He just wanted to meet him. As an after thought, he finally asked him the question he asked him everyday.

**JustMe** : So, did he touch you today?

He knew that he hadn’t, but it was their normal conversation starter by then. It would also lighten his friend’s mood.

**TheWhippingBoy** : (Laughing) Actually, yes. **  
JustMe** : What?

He wrote before he thought better of it, and almost added, “I didn’t touch anyone today”, but he caught himself.

**JustMe** : How did that happen? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : It was just a quick shove up against a wall…. **  
JustMe** : Up against a wall? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : It’s innocent really. I told you. You wouldn’t understand. **  
JustMe** : How is shoving someone up against the wall innocent?

Harry’s hand jerked as he wrote. He knew TheWhippingBoy could not hear the anger when just reading a message, but maybe somehow his handwriting could express his feelings. Either TheWhippingBoy was lying to him, or he was missing something in his own life. How was that possible? The signs were pointing to TheWhippingBoy lying.

**TheWhippingBoy** : Are you jealous? **  
JustMe** : No, are you sure that was today? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Why? Are you stalking him trying to figure out who I am? **  
JustMe** : No! Why did he do that? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Because, I didn’t listen to him. **  
JustMe** : Did he say anything to you? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Why are you so curious about this? Are you going to go ask him about it later or something? **  
JustMe** : No.  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : All right then, can we drop it?

Harry really didn’t want to. He decided to ask Ron what he thought about it in the morning and he let it drop that night. Which brought them back into the conversations they normally had which involved them getting off with each other.

~~~

‘Ron, did I shove anyone against a wall yesterday?’ He tried to ask as nonchalantly as possible. Ron had just woken up and shook his head “no” with a confused looked. ‘TheWhippingBoy said, that I shoved him against the wall yesterday. Why would I do that to anyone?’

‘I don’t know mate, you’re not a violent person.’ He shrugged and got up. 

It plagued Harry why he would say that. Harry wasn’t a violent person and he never started fights with anyone. The reason the boy thought there was something special between him and Harry were things like that? That Harry would touch him by shoving him against a wall as oppose to slapping him on the back or a hug?

They weren’t close that was for sure. He also mentioned in conversations that Harry would run into him a lot. Harry was more on the clumsy side, but he didn’t think he ran into any one person a lot. He mulled that over whilst walking down the hall with Ron and Hermione, when he did smack right into someone. He almost laughed at the irony of the situation, until he looked up and saw Draco Malfoy sneering at him.

‘I swear, Potter.’ He started right away with the taunting. ‘You get more clumsy by the day.’ He laughed along with his friends. ‘Or maybe your eye sight is just getting worse. Honestly, can’t you beg one of your adoring fans to buy you a new pair of glasses? Those are horribly outdated.’ 

Hermione pulled on his arm and he noticed Ron’s face paled. His face was naturally pale being that he had red hair, but there was also an obvious stunned looked that was keeping his mouth slightly ajar and his body motionless. Malfoy and his friends took the opportunity to swoop past and down the hall.

‘What’s wrong?’ Harry asked Ron who sputtered, and then looked anywhere but at Harry. So he turned to Hermione to see if she had caught what ever it was that he seemed to have missed. She just shook her head and raised an eyebrow at Ron who finally found it in himself to speak.

‘You know’, he started not sure how his friends were going to react to what he said. ‘I seem to recall a similar situation yesterday.’ 

Harry looked around him and gathered he meant the confrontation with Malfoy.

‘And?’ Hermione asked.

‘Well, yesterday Harry might have grabbed Malfoy’s collar and pinned him to the wall.’ Then he swallowed nervously as he saw Harry put two and two together, before he finished explaining it to Hermione. ‘And this morning Harry asked me if he had pushed anyone against the wall, because TheWhippingBoy said that he did so to him.’ 

Hermione clamped her mouth shut and just watched Harry contemplate the likelihood of TheWhippingBoy being Malfoy.

‘It can’t be’, Harry said. ‘He said he has a crush on me and Malfoy hates me.’ 

They all stood in silence as they thought through the facts.

‘Harry?’ Hermione thought out loud. ‘Do you ever think that maybe the reason Draco hates you is because he has a crush on you?’

‘That doesn’t make any sense’, Ron argued. ‘If he had a crush on him then he should treat him well, you know like Creevy does.’

‘That’s well?’ Hermione asked. 

Harry agree with her. Though he did avoid both of them like the plague, had TheWhippingBoy turned out to be Creevy, he would run quite literally in the opposite direction. The last thing he wanted was someone who followed him around like a lost dog. Though Malfoy treated him like a dirty elf, he was different when they talked through the book. 

‘Just think about it’, Hermione continued.

‘I did turn down his friendship first year’, Harry said.

‘You what?’ Hermione asked.

‘Yea.’ He nodded toward Ron. ‘You remember it?’

‘Like it was yesterday, that slimy….’ 

Hermione shot Ron a death glare. 

‘Umm… yeah, just like it was yesterday….’ Then he mumbled, ‘Or like five minutes ago, just like every time we see him.’ 

Hermione rolled her eyes.

‘I’ll talk to him’, Harry said.

‘Malfoy or TheWhippingBoy?’ Ron asked and Harry sighed as he thought about it.

‘I have a feeling it’s going to be both.’


	4. The Dance

Harry had a hard time trying to decide how to talk to Malfoy. He knew it would easier to talk to TheWhippingBoy, but if he confronted him about being Malfoy, he knew he would just refuse to talk to him. Plus, he was not really sure what he wanted to say. Somehow walking up to Malfoy and saying “so, it looks like I’m in love you” did not seem like a very good idea. Harry sighed and smacked his head back against his headboard.

Ron chuckled. ‘Still haven’t decided what you’re going to say?’ 

‘I’m glad you find this so amusing.’ Harry glared at him. ‘What would you say?’

‘I honestly have no idea’, Ron said as he walked over to stand next to Harry’s bed. ‘I have problems enough getting through a conversation with Hermione and she asked me out.’ 

That got Harry to smile, before he called TheWhipp— Malfoy into a private chat. He was used to thinking of him as his code name, but ever since he found out it was Malfoy. He could not stop picturing his smirk face every time he saw it. What if this was some elaborate joke and all the Slytherins were laughing at him this whole time? It was something that Malfoy would do and he ended up starting off the conversation much differently than he had wanted.

**JustMe** : Do you know who I am? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : What? **  
JustMe** : Answer me! **  
TheWhippingBoy** : No, of course not! How could I? **  
JustMe** : This isn’t some stupid game you put together to try and humiliate me? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Why would I do that? Plus, don’t you think that if that was the goal I would’ve done it by now? I mean I’d have a lot of material.

Harry really didn’t know what to say to that. He was right he could have read their conversations in the Great Hall. Malfoy never was one to wait before he acted out his plan. He would have done it the first night. If not then, definitely when he admitted to crying or that he loved him.

**TheWhippingBoy** : Why are you being like this? Is it because I don’t want to meet you?  
 **JustMe** : I thought you said you’d think about it.  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : I know I did. I don’t know. I still don’t think it’s a good idea.  
 **JustMe** : I don’t care who you are. I promise. Even if you’re Malfoy. You’ve got me to wank to him enough.

Harry shook his head at that last sentence. He wasn’t sure what bothered him more. That the sentence was actually true, or that he was effectively begging Malfoy to met him somewhere.

‘Is it that bad?’ Ron asked with concern in his voice.

‘No, it’s just that…." Harry thought for a minute on how he should word it. ‘I feel like such a love sick girl when I talk to him.’ 

Ron raised an eyebrow at Harry. 

‘Yeah, and now that I know who it is....’ Harry waved his hand as he trailed off.

‘Don’t do anything crazy.’

‘I’m not going to kill myself Ron.’ Harry reassured him as he read Malfoy’s response. ‘I’m not that kind of a love sick girl.’ Ron laughed and returned to his own conversation.

**TheWhippingBoy** : Really? What do you want to do to him?  
 **JustMe** : Don’t start that again.  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : Why not?  
 **JustMe:**  Are you using me for sex?  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : We’re not actually having sex… I’m not even touching you.  
 **JustMe** : Do you want to?  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : You know I do.  
 **JustMe** : Then…

‘Come on Malfoy, I just want to talk to you.’ Harry growled at the book causing Ron to chuckle again. ‘Bollocks!’ Harry almost screamed.

‘What?’ Ron’s head shot up at Harry’s sudden change of demeanor.

‘I just wrote that!’ Harry looked up at Ron stunned. ‘I just called him Malfoy.’

‘Not the best way of going about it.’ Ron got up and came to sit next to Harry on his bed. ‘What’d he say?’ Since Ron couldn’t read Harry’s book he read everything out loud to him as it appeared.

**TheWhippingBoy** : How long have you known?  
 **JustMe** : I just figured it out today.  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : Oh.

‘That’s it? Ron asked. ‘I thought he’d go mental.’

**TheWhippingBoy** : Where? **  
JustMe** : Where did I find out? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : No, you idiot, where do you want to meet?

‘Awh, there’s the Malfoy we’re use to. Idiot.’ Ron mocked Malfoy’s comment.

‘Hurry Ron think. Where do I want to meet?’

‘I don’t know.’ Ron thought about it. ‘The Astronomy tower.’ Harry gave Ron a threatening glare. ‘What? Like you are actually only going to talk. That’s where everyone else goes.’

‘Hence the problem.’

**JustMe** : The first floor girl’s bathroom.

Ron laught again as Harry said it and wrote it at the same time. ‘Because that is so much better.’

**TheWhippingBoy** : Why there? **  
JustMe** : No one ever goes in there because of Moaning Myrtle. **  
TheWhippingBoy** : Wouldn’t that mean that she was there though? **  
JustMe** : She isn’t always there. She likes to roam at night.  
 **TheWhippingBoy** : Agreed. I’ll be there in fifteen.

‘He wants to go right now’, Harry said with panic in his voice.

‘Right. Isn’t that what you wanted?’

‘Uh, no?’ Harry said unsure of himself. ‘I guess.’ Then he jumped up and started to change back into his day clothes. ‘I've got to go.’

‘I know mate.’ As he tried not to keep laughing at Harry in such a frantic state. ‘You know that you really don't need to be in uniform.’ Harry grabbed the clothes he had been previously wearing instead of finding something that was more comfortable. ‘I’m sure jeans and t-shirt would be just fine considering….’

‘What?’ Harry asked accusingly at the expression on Ron’s face.

‘You probably won’t be wearing them long.’ Ron dodged Harry’s school robes after Harry threw them at him.

‘Well, I’m glad you’re taking this well’, Harry said. ‘I’d thought that you would hate me for dating someone you despised.’

‘You’re not really dating yet. You just found out who he is’, Ron pointed out. ‘Besides, I’m not the one that has to deal with this. You are.’ 

Harry finished tying his shoes, nodded to Ron, grabbed his invisibility cloak and left to meet Malfoy.

When he got there Malfoy was pacing back and forth in front of the sinks. He was mumbling to himself like he was preparing for a speech, which Harry guessed he probably was. It was about then that it occurred to Harry that Malfoy, not knowing whom he was meeting, would probably freak out once he found out it was Harry. He put a silencing charm on the entire room as he shut the door.

‘Listen, you can’t tell anybody about this’, Malfoy said still looking at the floor instead of Harry. ‘You can’t let anyone know who I am.’ Malfoy continued as he looked up and froze. His express change from nervousness to anger, much like Harry anticipated. ‘Potter.’ He sneered. ‘What are you doing here?’ As if Harry would have any other reason to visit the girl’s bathroom around eleven o’clock at night.

‘I came to met you’, Harry said as Malfoy’s anger disappeared and turned into fear. 

Malfoy stepped back and shook his head replaying everything they had ever said to each other.

‘I just want to know… you know what? Actually, there are a lot of things that I want to know.’ It came out a lot angrier than Harry had meant it to. For some reason being in Malfoy’s presence did that to him. ‘Either everything you’ve said to me since we’ve been writing to each other has been a lie.’ 

Malfoy shook his head “no” without thinking about everything that he had just admitted to. 

‘Or, How could you treat me like shite every single day and spend so much time trying to make me miserable, if you liked me?’

‘What was I suppose to do after everything you’ve done to me?’ Malfoy countered. ‘Follow you around and beg you to like me? Sorry, I’m nobody’s faithful little servant Potter.’

‘You could’ve just ignored me, liked I tried to do to you’, Harry said.

‘I could never ignore you’, Malfoy said more to himself than to Harry. Harry bit his lip and started walking towards Malfoy who had stepped back and was leaning on a sink. ‘I tried to ignore you, but you would never go away. You were always there winning things and getting congratulated and being so bloody perfect all the time.’ 

Harry stopped a few inches from Malfoy. The closest he had ever been to him without shoving him or attempting to hit him. Since, Malfoy was leaning down on the sink they were eye level to each other, though Malfoy’s eyes focused on the ground. He was lost in his own thoughts.

Being that close he was able to just look at Malfoy; since he was absent the usual sneer or in general nasty looks he threw at people, Harry could see how attractive he really was. When Malfoy lifted his gaze from the ground, Harry leaned in and kissed him. It surprised Malfoy, but that was what they had come there for, wasn’t it? Malfoy returned the kiss, then he shoved Harry away.

‘What was that for?’ 

‘You bastard!’ 

Harry shook his head in confusion. 

‘How could you just let me go on and on about you like that?’ 

Harry realized what he was talking about, and he had worried about that. Though he did not expect him to throw a fit about it right then. 

‘How could you let me say those things knowing I was talking about you. You’re so full of yourself.’

‘How was I supposed to stop you?’ Harry asked. ‘Besides, you were the one that kept talking about yourself. I never brought me up; that was always you.’ 

Malfoy folded his arms across his chest, but realized that Harry was right and he had nothing he could really say to that. 

‘Malfoy, quit being so difficult. What were you expecting when you came here?’ Harry hoped that Malfoy was going to say something along the lines of a secret tryst.

‘I was going to beg and bribe you not to tell anyone’, Malfoy said. ‘Then I was never going to talk to you again.’

‘What?’ Harry felt a sharp pain in his chest. ‘You're serious?’ 

Malfoy nodded. 

‘Why?’ 

Malfoy tried to turn away, but Harry grabbed his arms and forced him to look at him. ‘I told you why before’, Malfoy said.

‘But you want this.’ Harry pulled Malfoy toward him and pressed against him as he tried to kiss him again. Malfoy turned his mouth away, so Harry kissed and sucked on his neck instead.

‘Please stop.’

‘I know you want this’, Harry said again. ‘I know how much you want me.’ Harry pressed his forehead against Malfoy’s trying to get him to look at him.

‘Actually, Potter, you have no idea _how much_ I want you.’ Malfoy’s breathing shallowed, half from the struggle to get out of Harry’s grasp, and half from their faces being so close together forcing them to breathe the same air.

‘Then why won’t you be with me?’ Harry held him tigher. ‘I’m not saying that we’d have to tell anybody.’ Though he would prefer it that way, right then he just wanted whatever he could get from Malfoy. ‘I love you.’

‘Please don’t say that.’ He quick struggling. ‘I don’t have that type of will power.’ Malfoy watched Harry’s eyes as he tried to understand what Malfoy was saying. ‘I can’t be with you. Not even for a second. I’ve already done too much.’

‘Why did you then?’ Harry said angry again.

‘I thought it was safe.’ While Malfoy was internally scolding himself for being wrong, yet again, Harry took the opportunity to catch him off guard and kiss him again. Just like the first time, Malfoy responded and soon they were aggressively attacking each other’s mouths. Harry’s shirt hung loose, so Malfoy ran his hands up Harry’s back underneath it. 

Harry took that as an invitation to untuck Malfoy’s button up and do the same thing. In the mists of their battle, Malfoy was pushed back on to the sink and sat on it rather than leant against it. He pulled his legs around Harry’s hips to help his balance as Harry started to grind against him. They continued like that, until they were both coming in their pants. It didn’t take much, since they were both young , inexperienced, and excited.

Harry broke the silence with, ‘I bit better then talking about it through a book.’ The light-hearted commented caused Malfoy groaned hide his face in Harry’s neck. They didn’t do anything close to what they normally described doing to each other. What they had done was still innocent in comparison. ‘Are you going to be able to forget about this?’ Harry asked. ‘Do you really think you can just give this up? Seeing me everyday, knowing what we could be and ignoring me?’ 

Malfoy did not answer, but he didn’t have to; they both knew he couldn’t. ‘What are you so afraid of?’

‘Losing everything—’

‘What do you even have?’ 

Malfoy looked confused. 

‘Money? Family? How much longer are you going to have family as long as they follow Voldermort?’ Malfoy started to retort, but Harry cut him off. ‘I don’t think I have ever seen you actually smile, not a real one at least. What do you really have?’ 

Malfoy wanted to fight him. Tell him that he smiled all the time and that he was happy that he had plenty to lose, but he knew it would be a lie. Harry would have known it was too. 

‘No one who is actually worth having in your life would really care that you were bent.’

‘You wouldn’t understand—you don't—‘

‘Have a family? I know; I’ve already lost them’, Harry said. ‘But, I know that they would want me to be happy. Trust me, they probably would not have liked the idea of me with you, and my friends, who are my family now, really don’t like you.’

‘Then why are you risking it?’

‘I’m not risking anything. They aren’t going to quit being my friends. At least, not the ones I care the most about.’ Harry already knew that Ron and Hermione were on his side no matter what. He really could not speak for anyone else, but he was not as close to any of them. 

In the end, it did not really matter to him if the rest of the world abandoned him. They all had before. ‘Besides’, Harry said. ‘I can’t go on forever pretending to be something that I’m not. Eventually, it would come out. Why not now? I might as well get it out of the way.’ Harry thought about the dance, and how this whole situation started. He was not going to take a girl this time, even if he had to go alone. He wasn’t going to dance with any either.

‘By announcing it to the whole school?’ Apparently, Malfoy had caught on to his thinking.

‘It’s just a dance.’ Harry sighed and backed away. ‘If you don’t want to go with me, then I find someone else.’

‘I'm sure plenty of girls would love to go with you’, Malfoy said bitterly, even if he knew Harry had no interest in his date, it would still burn him to have to watch them together.

‘I won’t take a girl’, Harry said. ‘And I will dance, but I won’t dance with a girl either.’

‘Not even with Granger?’ 

Harry smiled. ‘I don’t think she’ll be interested, since Ron is taking her.’ He shook his head disappointingly at Malfoy’s sour expression. ‘I might make an exception for a friend, but I’m not going to lie to anyone about this.’

‘How brave of you’, Malfoy said. 

Harry had to hold himself back from stating the obvious, that it was in his nature to be brave. 

‘I’m not going.’

‘With me or at all?’

‘At all’, Malfoy clarified.

‘Fine, then.’ He stepped back up to Malfoy and kissed him even though he refused to kiss back. ‘If you change your mind. You know I’d rather be with you than anyone else.’ Then Harry backed away and turned to leave. ‘Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell anyone about you.’ He finished as he released the silencing spell he had set earlier and left. 

Malfoy could not stop the tears from rolling down his face. His only mercy was that he had managed to hold himself together while Harry was still there.

Harry tried not to cry on his way back up to the tower, but it was pointless. It hurts to lose someone, even if you never really had him or her in the first place. It made him wonder if Malfoy had cried after Harry refused his friendship back in first year. 

When he got back to the tower Ron had already fallen asleep, which he was thankful for. He did not want to talk about what had happened. He took out his map and watched Malfoy’s dot. He had just started to make his way back to his dorm. Harry watched him until he fell asleep with the map still opened to Malfoy’s room.

~~~

Harry got ready for the dance and watched his friend pick at himself in the mirror. It would be an interesting night, to see everything unfold with the mixing of Slytherins with other houses. He was going alone. There wasn't any other guy he wanted to go with. He had come out to everyone in his dorm and everyone in the book over the week. Malfoy hadn’t returned to chat with anyone, though he told everyone that “TheWhippingBoy” wasn’t gay. He wasn’t sure who all would believe him. They, of course, all then knew that Harry Potter was JustMe, but as others had pointed out: everyone was going to know who everyone else was at the dance.

Well, except Malfoy. He would have to out himself. Harry wouldn’t do that to him and he knew Malfoy wasn’t going to do that for himself, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. On his way to the dance he ran into Dumbledore in front of the Great Hall. Hermione and Ron went on without him as he stopped to speak with the Headmaster. He hadn’t seen him once, since they had started to find the books. There was so much he wanted to tell him, but he also couldn’t find the words.

‘I think tonight should be rather interesting’, Dumbledore said. ‘Don’t you?’ 

Harry nodded. ‘Yes. Very. More than you might think.’ Harry hoped it would be a shock to Dumbledore just as much as everyone else, but Harry noticed that Dumbledore was looking at something behind him and he didn’t look surprised at all. It was Neville with Pansy Parkinson walking towards them. That surprised Harry. He knew that some of the people were Slytherins, but Pansy had asked Neville. She asked him, when she knew it was him? Everyone knew it was him and Neville didn’t seem displeased that it was her either. That also meant that _Malfoy had already asked her_ and she _turned him down._

‘You knew didn’t you?’ Harry accused the Headmaster, who simply smiled back at him. ‘You’re the one behind the books aren’t you?’

‘Did you learn anything from them?’

‘I learnt quite a bit actually.’ Harry thought about it. ‘I’m not sure I learnt what you wanted me to learn.’

‘What did you learn?’ 

Harry fidgeted not sure how to answer that question. ‘A lot about myself.’

‘That maybe they aren’t so different from you?’ Dumbledore suggested. 

Harry gave him a half-hearted smile and nodded again. 

‘Is that such a bad thing?’

‘No, there are still some major differences and I’ll probably never understand why “they” chose the things that they do.’ Harry was really only talking about one person, because he already quit thinking of all Slytherins as all the same. Just like he, Ron and Hermione though all Gryffindors, were very different from each other. ‘But that’s not really a bad thing, I suppose.’

‘JustMe?’ Dumbledore pointed to the name spelled onto his robes.

‘Where’s yours?’ Harry asked. ‘Or did you never take part in the conversation?’ 

Dumbledore chuckled. ‘I merely watched on occasion.’ 

Harry shook his head at Dumbledore. He really was a noisy old fool. 

‘Don’t worry, I never looked into anyone private conversations.’ 

Harry to stiffened and blushed. 

‘Though, I have to say I was rather tempted when I noticed that you and Mr. Malfoy talked so frequently. Sadly, it was private.’

Harry inwardly sighed with relief. Not only could he tell Hermione to quit worrying about where the books came from, he also didn’t have to worry that anyone had been looking in on his and Malfoy’s private conversations. Not that it mattered anymore, since Malfoy nor TheWhippingBoy would ever speak to him again. 

‘Where is Mr. Malfoy?’

‘He’s not coming.’

~~~

That dance would go down in history, as least, for everyone that was there. Everyone that had a book had their code names sowed into their dress robes. No one even notice they were there, unless they were looking for them. The couples that shocked everyone the most where Pansy with Neville and Ginny with Blaise. Hermione had to hold Ron back from hexing Zabini when he saw them. Neville teased Ginny relentlessly about being Firebolt. Though he did hold his tongue and not mention how ridiculous he thought Zabini was for calling himself BlackKnight.

No one was surprised that Luna was Thestrals and since LivingtotheFullest was so quiet all the time, he would have been unnoticed altogether had he not been her date. Ron and Neville couldn’t stop laughing when they found out that Colin Creevy was Goldenboy. 

Neville commented that he was surprised he wasn’t the one to ask out Ginny given their mutual love for Harry. Even Hermione was laughing at Harry’s unease about that situation. Though she also thought that the Hufflepuff he did ask, Megan Jones, was a much better match for him.

Only the Hufflepuffs were shocked to see one of their own with Theodore Nott, since no one else even seemed to notice her. LittleLostGirl did rather fit her in that regard and Hermione got to smugly point out that Theodore, who was BookLover23, was also not a Ravenclaw. To which Ron commented on how it was interesting that the only two Ravenclaws, other than Luna who was world unto her own, had come together. Terry Boot, who was LonelyBoy2, and Lisa Turpin, who was BlueDemon and that made him wonder if they cheated and had known who the other one was. Ginny rolled her eyes, but didn’t start the fight about how obviously Ron and Hermione knew who each other really were the entire time.

The few people who weren’t shocked by the mixed couples, were later in the evening, when the pretty and popular, Lavender Brown, asked the thick and chubby, Vincent Crabbe, to dance. Daphne Greengrass had to hold back Millicent Bulstrode, from dragging Lavender out of the dance by her hair. Not an easy feat when she couldn’t stop laughing and trying to explain that it was innocent, without explaining that she was GreenGodess and keeping a secret from her best friend.

Even all of that became dim when Harry Potter finally choose a dancing partner. There weren’t very many known homosexuals at Hogwarts, so unless he asked Colin it was a shot in the dark. Creevy was happy to accept. Though after everyone got the point that Harry was in fact outing himself and that he was still single, he didn’t have to ask anyone else. There still weren’t too many guys that were inclined his way, but two or three were enough. It didn’t matter really. There was only one person he was interest in seeing that night, and he wasn't showing up.

Or so he thought.   



	5. A Matter of Time

Harry glanced at the door every twenty mintues throughout the night, and luck would have it, one of those times he caught sight of Malfoy. He didn’t enter the room, but stood in the hallway just outside looking in. Harry abandoned his dancing partner and went to where he had seen Malfoy standing. By the time that he got there, he saw Malfoy had left and was on the stairs down the hallway. 

‘Malfoy, wait!’ He ran to catch up to him just to lose sight of him again. He debated about going to get his map and track him down, but Malfoy probably went back to the Slytherin dorms. So he went back to the dance and planned to talk to him later.

For weeks after, Harry would catch him in the hallway and tried to get him to talk. He mentioned that he saw him, but Malfoy shrugged him off. Malfoy refused to change his mind and told Harry to just move on. Evidently Malfoy didn’t want to be caught, so Harry quit trying to corner him. 

No one connected TheWhippingBoy with Malfoy and the trio kept silent about it. Malfoy never wrote in the book again, though the others did even long after they all left Hogwarts.

The war against the Dark Lord was a sticky situation, and despite the books they still lost Crabbe and Malfoy to the Death Eaters. Pansy and Theo turned out to be very beneficial and used the books to communicate with Harry and the others. Neither Malfoy nor Crabbe told anyone about the books, even though Harry was sure that they knew that was how the Order was getting their inside information. 

Harry hadn’t expected Malfoy to ever talk about the books, because of what it would have said about himself. It did surprise him that Crabbe never talked though, and he never had the chance to ask him, since Crabbe died in the war. 

The Slytherins didn’t turn out to be so bad after-all.

They all moved on with their lives and after the necessity of the books was gone, they all wrote less and less. Whenever something big would happen, they would leave an announcement, like when one of them would get married or have a child. Around the time for elections they would normally end up having more conversation or debates rather. 

It passed so quickly and before they knew it, it was their five year reunion. Hogwarts doesn’t host reunions for its past graduates, but Hermione and Luna thought it would be fun and they organized the event.

Most of the couples from the infamous Halloween dance did not survive past graduation. Surprisingly, Pansy and Neville did last. Ginny and Zabini ended sometime during the war. Ginny later got with Colin, much to Neville’s amusement and Zabini ended up marring Greengrass. 

Apparently, some families still got their way. He was happy that Pansy and Neville held it out and didn’t let their families win and wished more people were like that. Harry was there with his boyfriend of a few months, Nate. He was tall, blonde and well, Hermione said his looks reminded her too much of Malfoy and his personality too much like Colin. 

Harry wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

To Harry’s surprise Malfoy showed up. Despite rumors of a wife, he was there alone. Harry wasn’t following Malfoy. It was a mere coincidence that they ended up in the bathroom together.

‘Potter.’ 

Harry looked up in the mirror at Malfoy, then turned to face him. ‘Malfoy.’ Harry smiled as Malfoy walked towards him. ‘I didn’t expect to see you here.’

‘Really?’ Malfoy didn’t elaborate and simply started to wash his hands next to Harry.

‘Where’s your wife?’ 

Malfoy glared at him through the mirror. ‘I’m divorced.’

‘Oh. I didn’t know.’

Harry shifted nervously. He expected this encounter to be hostile, but he hadn’t anticipated Malfoy to be available. It changed everything for Harry. It wasn’t that he never got over Malfoy. Yes. He had a tendency to compare everyone he dated to him. And yes. They never quite measured up. 

Yet, he didn’t spend time wishing they were Malfoy or pinning over him for years. He had a couple serious relationships, but they had ended. Had marriage been an option he probably would have been divorced himself. Since it wasn’t, it was considerably easier when that relationship ended to split and be done. 

‘What happened?’

‘Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m sure you can guess what happened.’

"You left her?’ He asked a bit stunned. ‘You came out?’ 

He couldn’t hold back the smile at the thought that Malfoy was finally willing to date men. There was also the slight hopefulness that Malfoy still felt something for Harry and would date him. Sure he had a boyfriend, but they weren’t that serious. Nate was always joking about how he was just a replacement anyway. He wasn’t, but that wasn’t the point. Nate wasn’t attached to Harry, and Harry wouldn’t feel the least bit guilty about letting him go for a chance to date Malfoy.

‘No. She left me.’ With a shake of his wrist Draco spelled his hands dry and turned to leave.

‘Wait.’ Harry grabbed his arm. ‘Then why would she leave you?’

‘Your so thick.’ Malfoy sighed. ‘She could tell that I wasn’t really in love with her and wanted something better.’ 

He pulled his arm out of Harry’s grasp and continued towards the door.

‘Do you want something better?’ 

Malfoy stopped, but didn’t turn around to face Harry.

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘You can’t tell me that this doesn’t change anything.’

‘It doesn’t.’

‘It changes everything!’ Harry hadn’t lost his temper in years, but there wasn’t anyone who infuriated him like Malfoy. ‘You’ve done what you had to do. Why can’t you do what you want now?’

‘They wouldn’t forgive me anymore now, than they would have then.’ Malfoy finally turned to face him. ‘Therefore, it changes nothing.’

‘Do you still want me?’

‘Do you still love me?’ Malfoy asked.

‘I was young and very emotional—‘

‘Oh, so you never loved me. I can’t say that I'm surprised. I saw you with Micheal and I know how you loved his eyes. It turns out it was a good thing I decided not to join you at the dance. We wouldn’t have lasted long anyway with—’

‘What are you talking about?’ Harry interrupted his rant. ‘I told you I would dance with other people, if you decided not to show up. I saw you, but you ran.’

‘I’d considered it.’

‘I did love you, the most a sixteen year old can love. I never dated anyone at Hogwarts I was too busy chasing you. Then I was busy with the war. I’m not the same person I was then, and I’m sure you’ve changed a lot too. So I don’t know if I still love you, because I don’t even know you anymore.’ 

Malfoy still refused to look at Harry and stayed perfectly still whilst he stared off to the side at nothing in particular. 

‘I still want you though.’ Harry took a deep breath and decided it was time to let it go: again. ‘If you ever decide that it might be worth it. You know how to find me. If not... don’t worry about it.’

Then Harry walked past Malfoy and out the door. Why did it always end like that? With Harry walking away. Harry chuckled to himself at the fact that Malfoy was always the one to turn him down, but he could never just walk away from him. They would still be standing there in the bathroom, if Harry hadn’t decided to quit fighting with him and leave. Malfoy was the one who couldn’t let go.

When Harry and Nate got back to Harry’s flat, his book was vibrating on his desk. Harry smiled and knew he would be up late talking to everyone in the book about the evening. He’d hear all the stories about conversations that he’d missed. It amazed him how much can happen in the same room with him and he have no knowledge of, though it isn’t odd he didn’t notice how short Lavender Brown’s dress was. Harry laughed at the conversation that Pansy and Hermione were having about said dress when he saw it.

**TheWhippingBoy**  invites  **JustMe**  to talk privately

**MoonlightPrincess** : I thought he died. **  
Firebolt** : He disappeared before the war. **  
MoonlightPrincess** : That doesn’t mean he couldn’t have died. Suicide rates are much higher among homosexuals. **  
BlackKnight** : You’re so morbid.

Harry left them to their conversation and joined Malfoy

**JustMe** : Hullo? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : I’ve been thinking. **  
JustMe** : And? **  
TheWhippingBoy** : It might be worth it.

Harry slowly smiled.

**TheWhippingBoy** : Meet me somewhere.


End file.
